Niches Be Crazy
Sharing is caring!
I Tried Shrooms And This Happened

I Tried Shrooms And This Happened

“You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don’t believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. ‘Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that’s enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreal fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few tunes.” ~ Bill Hicks

You know I’ve done my fair share of drugs in the past.

No needles, FUCK THAT.

But a fair share nonetheless.

I want to tell you about the first time I tried mushrooms and what I experienced. (WARNING: If you’re on drugs right now, DO NOT READ THIS as it may fuck up your high lol).

So let’s continue on shall we?

Date: New Year’s Eve 2009 I believe lol.

Place: My friend’s (we’ll just use Bob’s house to keep him anonymous).

I wanted to do just about anything to escape the fact that I’d just had a big breakup AND the fact that the person I was with was attending a New Years party with someone and I wasn’t.

Well at least not a person that I was gonna be kissing (or more) later on.

Now twas New Year’s Eve so naturally…

I wanted to party like I’ve never partied before and forget about “feelings” and such.

Weed and alcohol WAS NOT gonna cut it.

So my buddy got some shrooms and my roommate (we’ll call him Marley, he he he Bob & Marley) my buddy Bob and this other dude that looked like Jesus Christ (I shitteth thee notteth) all ate some shrooms.

I ate about a gram I think it was.

Boy…I didn’t know what I was in for.

“Dear God…this parachute is a knapsack!”

It started off fucking awesome. Uncle Phil here was tripping’ BALLS.

If you’ve never done shrooms before let me tell you this:

YOU WILL SEE SHIT THAT IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING.

Example:

I was absolutely enthralled by this thing called a television.

Also, I remember the song “No Quarter” being played in the background (that was real), the Tool rendition (which fucking rocks BTW).

AND I remember seeing a Pink Floyd CD sitting on a lil’ table next to me.

This is how crazy this shit skewed my grasp on reality.

Somehow I combined all three of these things and I saw an infomercial on TV where someone was selling me a Pink Floyd CD series where they were playing Zepellin songs.

I was like “But this ain’t a Floyd song…” and was confused as fuck.

We’ll fast forward to a little later, I’m getting into a little bit of paranoid mode (in other words, the “I’m tripping so hard it’s becoming scary” mode).

I go to my friend (we’ll call her Janet) who tries to bring me down.

She brings an hour glass, turns it over and then someone starts drumming on the coffee table while I sit on the sofa.

To me this was totally amaze-balls and ol’ Uncle Phil here starts feeling great again…

And then it happened.

The Jesus guy started it

So the Jesus Christ guy is apparently trippin’ balls too (no surprise), except he had the novel idea of digging through the trash.

Well, this numb nuts came across a bottle and cut his hand.

So here’s what trippin’ balls Phil sees:

A dude that looks like Jesus Christ with a cut hand (the palm of it BTW).

So of course I’m thinking of some crazy Stigmata creepy shit.

And then…that’s when the walls started melting.

Everyone turned into a demon, better yet a person with demonic eyes and they were all “out to get me” in some way.

Scary as fuck holmes.

Coming Down

I don’t know how long this went on, but thank goodness for my friend Janet who gave me milk (I guess that’s supposed to help…it kinda did) and calmed me down.

Well, my buddy Bob’s wife (we’ll call her LaFawnduh bahaha) took me to the room and helped me calm down more and helped me wash my face.

I Tried Shrooms And This Happened - Lawfawnduh

And here’s where it got worse.

I get kicked out of the party

I was so grateful that LaFawnduh was helping me.

She had an aura (not kidding) around her like a fucking angel.

And…I tried to kiss her in my drugged up stupor.

She was very nice about it because she knew I was tripping’ nuts, but my buddy Bob found out and we basically got kicked out (My buddy Marley and I that is, he was NOT pleased to be kicked out).

So…

While I think that drugs have brought us some good things (music and other talents wise)…

They have also made people do some really stupid shit that they wouldn’t normally do. 

TL/DR Version:

8 years ago I did shrooms for the first time after a bad breakup, had a bad trip, calmed down but tried to kiss my buddy’s wife in my drugged up stupor and got kicked out of a New Year’s Eve party.

Oy…

Moral of the story

I’m not gonna sit here and tell you not to do drugs.

You’re probably gonna do them anyways and me telling you not to ain’t gonna do dick.

So here’s my advice on this:

Don’t do anything with needles. You can get a life-long virus or something worse from a bad needle or leave track marks that will fuck up your chance of getting a job.

If you’re gonna do anything in excess, just do pot.

It’s the lesser of the evils.

And…

When experimenting with drugs that make you hallucinate…

Be in a good state of mind, don’t be going through crazy shit like I was…you may unleash some demons that you don’t wanna meet.

Also, make sure that you’re with friends that will take care of you if you have a bad trip. Nothing worse than someone trying to fuck up your high or worse…

Trying to fuck with you while you’re high. Those are not good friends, or even friends at all really.

Well, this is another true story from Uncle Phil.

Please comment below if you found it amusing, or heck post your own crazy drug story.

~ Uncle Phil